D&D: Bad Dice


A giant yawning chasm splits the landscape before you and the goblin you’ve been chasing scrambles to the end of a dead tree branch that hangs out over the edge of a ravine. I swing at the Goblin with my sword. Roll for attack. (dice rolling sounds) It’s a one. You swing the sword perfectly into the goblin’s empty sheath and the sword is now his. Oh…well, I want it back. Roll to grab it It’s… another one. As you maneuver to reclaim your rightful property, you manage to step on the tree branch in just such a way that it launches the goblins sky-high and your sword goes with him. Really, that can happen? Blame the dice. And roll dexterity to see if you fall in the ravine. Hm, you do. You fall in it real hard. Ok no, this is impossible. It’s improbable. Its impenetrable. What are you trying to do? Are you trying to get inside it? (dice breaking sounds) No, weights, (-that was my- ) it must be cursed. (-That was my die-) It deserved to die. It was a traitor to it’s people. If it can’t get the job done, another one will. Ian: When I said “blame the dice,” I did not literally mean to ascribe agency to the polyhedron. This is gonna be a thing. It does not have to be a thing. It’s only a thing if you make it a thing. You planned for this? I came prepared. You try to break your fall but instead you break both arms. You somehow kick sand into your own face. The Goblin is back. He falls out of the sky, does not break both arms, and stabs you with your own sword. Your grasp of goblin-ese is so pitiful that your pleas for mercy are taken as threats against his children. Prepare to roll death saves. You’re my only hope, Tiger eye. Why would this one be any different? Cause I paid like $50 for it; it better work. Ian: You’re really not grasping this whole probability thing, are you? This goes far beyond math. There are cosmic forces at work here. Each die has an inherent level of reliability based on its past performance. Bad dice can ruin an entire collection just by proximity, so they must be cleansed; it is the way. Yeah, none of that is true. It’s all superstition and kind of a weird one, in fact. You have an equal chance to roll any number on the die and an equal chance to roll any two numbers in sequence whether that’s- (many dice rolling sounds) They’re bad dice, Ian. Yeah. No, I got it. I got my limits and these have to go. *Bad Dice Destruction Montage Music* *Hopeful Science Dice Music* (victoriously) Huh-ha. Whew. You die. Ta-da! *Living Forever by J.P. De Ovando* Thanks for watching! -R

100 thoughts on “D&D: Bad Dice

  • November 20, 2019 at 10:38 pm
    Permalink

    First – this is HILARIOUS! LMAO! Wow.

    I don't think I've run into a bad series like this…but I did encounter a nearly opposite run. [Okay, not d20s but d100.]

    While running in a [redacted system] scenario, where percentile dice were used and it was based on open-ended rolls, with 1's and 100's going to extremes – I rolled two results of 100% followed by an 86%. The odds of doing this were 1/100 * 1/100 * 1/7 or roughly 1 in 70,000. Just yikes.
    My reaction at the time was "[blink] [blink] WTF just happened?!?" This had been an attack roll.

    >> Expected result: One hell of a hit against this [okay, I'll actually tell you what this was] Dragon. Oh, and it was an invisible dragon at that. He would next turn around and clean the clock of this low-level character or just leave and kill me another day. But it gets better…or worse, depending on whose perspective you are using.

    This system has defense rolls followed by 'armor' rolls. My [huge] opponent had no way of seeing the approach of my attack, so no defense roll. His armor roll 'fumbled'. I think the actual roll was 04%. Just ow. [& wow].

    >> Actual result: One arrow kill of a dragon with otherwise full hit points. Right through a gap in his scales and right through his heart. Just >twang< >thunk< >dead<.

    In twenty years of gaming, this is the only time that I one-shot killed a major opponent. It didn't happen before and has never happened since.
    The odds of this series of rolls is 1 in 1,750,000. Almost lottery winning odds.

    The character was nicknamed "Lurch" due to his height. After a couple of weeks of playing, he gained another nickname. He was known as "Lurch the Limb Lopper" for the uncanny happenstance of getting at least one crit during any serious fight – which ended up removing the arm or leg of one of his opponents. And this was with ordinary, non-magical blades. It didn't matter whose dice were being used.

    Reply
  • November 22, 2019 at 9:35 pm
    Permalink

    A giant yawning chasm splits the landscape before you and the goblin you've been chasing scrambles to the end of a dead tree branch that hangs out over the edge of a ravine.
    You swing the sword perfectly into the goblin's empty sheath and the sword is now his.
    As you maneuver to reclaim your rightful property, you manage to step on the tree branch in just such a way that it launches the goblins sky-high and your sword goes with him.
    You fall in the ravine and you fall in it real hard.
    You try to break your fall but instead you break both arms.
    You somehow kick sand into your own face.
    The goblin is back. He falls out of the sky, does not break both arms, and stabs you with your own sword.
    Your grasp of goblinese is so pitiful that your pleas for mercy are taken as threats against his children.
    You die.

    Reply
  • November 24, 2019 at 5:57 am
    Permalink

    This hurts to watch

    Reply
  • November 26, 2019 at 6:43 pm
    Permalink

    Guy in video:that is the way
    Me after watching the mandalorian
    Me: this is the way

    Reply
  • November 27, 2019 at 8:16 am
    Permalink

    I have a friend I play dnd with who this video fits perfectly for Even when he rolesmy dice which usually score on the higher the higher ends of the spectrum, he still gets low scores 😂

    Reply
  • December 1, 2019 at 10:23 am
    Permalink

    The trick is to not roll the dice too much beforehand, theyll get tired and only romm low. Easy as that

    Reply
  • December 2, 2019 at 2:00 am
    Permalink

    No dice were harmed during the filming of this video

    Reply
  • December 2, 2019 at 8:39 am
    Permalink

    And from then on, he only rolled 2s.

    Reply
  • December 3, 2019 at 8:27 pm
    Permalink

    Have you tried rolling like mat lock

    Reply
  • December 5, 2019 at 12:04 pm
    Permalink

    All dice are equals! if it rolls a one is a duuuuuuuuudd!!!!!!

    Reply
  • December 5, 2019 at 4:44 pm
    Permalink

    Dont you hate when 1 out of the 20 times you swing your sword it magically teleports somewhere else

    Reply
  • December 6, 2019 at 3:29 am
    Permalink

    Metal dice are the only dice that have never turned on me that being said I also give my bad dice a Viking send off with small wooden boots I build in my free time

    Reply
  • December 6, 2019 at 8:28 pm
    Permalink

    I learned in statistics that any event that occurs which has a probability of less than .05 (5%), there is statistical evidence to suggest that there are shenanigans going on.
    Rolling a 1 out of 20 hits the 5% threshold perfectly, while rolling 2 ones has a 1/400 chance of occurring, or about 0.25% chance of occurring. This is less than the 5% threshold, so there is statistical evidence that the first die was weighted.

    So Kyle wasn’t wrong when he said it was a traitor to its people. (It’s only evidence, so you can still attribute it to random chance if you conduct an experiment with the die)

    Reply
  • December 6, 2019 at 11:47 pm
    Permalink

    it is the way

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 1:34 am
    Permalink

    The key to good dice
    The secret that saves characters

    Play the Dm it doesn't matter what you roll

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 11:59 am
    Permalink

    Finally a 2, also known as the 'Halfing 1'

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 5:54 pm
    Permalink

    Travis literally rolled 3 nat ones in a row

    Reply
  • December 11, 2019 at 8:29 am
    Permalink

    >Laura Bailey wants to know your location

    Reply
  • December 13, 2019 at 2:17 am
    Permalink

    Anyone came back to this video after the announcement of the limited edition T-shirt?

    Reply
  • December 13, 2019 at 11:47 pm
    Permalink

    How do i cleans metal dice?

    Reply
  • December 15, 2019 at 6:27 pm
    Permalink

    What's the music?

    Reply
  • December 18, 2019 at 2:38 am
    Permalink

    So, did the last one go the way of all the others?

    Reply
  • December 18, 2019 at 6:04 am
    Permalink

    Is there a die with a negative one? You implode into a pillar of dust for no discernible reason.

    Reply
  • December 18, 2019 at 6:30 am
    Permalink

    You have to have really bad luck

    Reply
  • December 18, 2019 at 5:38 pm
    Permalink

    But those costed money, I'd pay for those.

    Reply
  • December 19, 2019 at 8:19 am
    Permalink

    Destruction Derby: Vilhelm Hass (song from the last dice)

    Reply
  • December 20, 2019 at 10:50 pm
    Permalink

    This is the way

    Reply
  • December 21, 2019 at 12:41 am
    Permalink

    I think we have all had days like this.

    Reply
  • December 21, 2019 at 5:08 am
    Permalink

    This hurt to watch TT^TT

    Reply
  • December 21, 2019 at 1:05 pm
    Permalink

    If someone has yet to share this Laura Bailey please someone share this with Laura Bailey

    Reply
  • December 21, 2019 at 2:01 pm
    Permalink

    1:49 Murphy's law is real

    Reply
  • December 23, 2019 at 1:03 am
    Permalink

    I need to have some of these dice to give to D.M. as a gift 🙂

    Reply
  • December 23, 2019 at 11:03 am
    Permalink

    I once possessed a d20 that not only rolled poorly, it would consistently roll the most inconvenient results possible.

    Players not doing too well and you need the monsters to perform worse? Natural 20's all the way down.

    Trying to score good hits? Say adios to your chances of rolling higher than a 2.

    Need literally anything interesting to happen? Yep, it just landed on a 10.

    Strangely, no other die from the set this one came from had any malicious properties.

    Reply
  • December 23, 2019 at 11:28 am
    Permalink

    Idk why but some dice are only good for some people…

    Reply
  • December 24, 2019 at 3:54 pm
    Permalink

    According to my brother, most dice have a tiny, less than 0.1% higher chance to roll a 20, because more material is removed to make the 20, or something.

    Reply
  • December 24, 2019 at 5:28 pm
    Permalink

    Hopeful science dice music

    Reply
  • December 25, 2019 at 5:46 am
    Permalink

    Who plays DnD alone? (Well, i mean with a player and a DM)

    Reply
  • December 25, 2019 at 5:27 pm
    Permalink

    Fun fact: rolling 9 Nat 1's at the same time (like is shown at 1:50) is a 1 in 512 billion chance

    Reply
  • December 26, 2019 at 1:19 am
    Permalink

    THEYRE ALL 1’S

    Reply
  • December 26, 2019 at 6:12 am
    Permalink

    If I have a bad dice…

    I'm going to do the opposite things to win!
    I try to purposely miss the bandit
    Rolls 1
    Instead of purposely missing the bandit you accidentally hit and kill the bandit

    Reply
  • December 26, 2019 at 4:34 pm
    Permalink

    this video hurts me..
    dice are so expensive

    Reply
  • December 27, 2019 at 9:21 pm
    Permalink

    Either he is cursed or the dice is cursed. After 3 nat 1’s in a row, it’s obvious cosmic forces are messing with you 😂

    Reply
  • December 27, 2019 at 10:17 pm
    Permalink

    Try not to think about the innocent dice that died for this video

    Reply
  • December 28, 2019 at 4:21 am
    Permalink

    this hurts my dice goblinness

    Reply
  • December 29, 2019 at 10:13 pm
    Permalink

    This is all perfectly reasonable and logical. Bad dice must be destroyed.

    Reply
  • December 30, 2019 at 8:22 pm
    Permalink

    A player caused a expansion and the person who caused and me had to a +4 mod the other player got a 11 and the npc that seemed like a boss rolled a seven and had a concrete girder on his chest. God dnd is fun

    Reply
  • January 2, 2020 at 4:50 am
    Permalink

    ascribe agency to the icosahedron

    Reply
  • January 2, 2020 at 7:11 am
    Permalink

    I have seen with my own eyes a d20 roll a natural 20 four rolls in a row

    It was the DM that rolled them against us

    It was during a deadly encounter

    It caused an instant Tpk

    It was my dice

    Never again

    Reply
  • January 3, 2020 at 1:03 am
    Permalink

    That was excellent attention to detail. The first die that was thrown into Dice Jail was also a natural 1

    Reply
  • January 3, 2020 at 4:17 am
    Permalink

    a dice kept rolling bad for me so i chucked it out the window at the rail road tracks.

    Reply
  • January 4, 2020 at 11:16 pm
    Permalink

    It is the way…

    Reply
  • January 4, 2020 at 11:50 pm
    Permalink

    This legitimately hurt to watch. How dare you hurt these innocent die

    Reply
  • January 5, 2020 at 6:25 am
    Permalink

    The Mandalorian: "Bad dice must be cleansed. This is the way."

    Reply
  • January 5, 2020 at 6:28 am
    Permalink

    haha you fools
    now that you have destroyed dice that weren't actually bad for video purposes the dice have rebelled
    from now on the bad dice have an increased following wherever you go!

    Reply
  • January 5, 2020 at 6:58 pm
    Permalink

    This is the way

    Reply
  • January 6, 2020 at 9:30 pm
    Permalink

    this hurts me. so bad.

    Reply
  • January 8, 2020 at 4:29 am
    Permalink

    Now I want a cosmic 20 dice

    Reply
  • January 9, 2020 at 10:14 pm
    Permalink

    It hurts

    Reply
  • January 15, 2020 at 2:54 am
    Permalink

    our friend just joined, she rolled a nat 99 and now has magic from satan, and my strength is 20, yay

    Reply
  • January 15, 2020 at 5:46 am
    Permalink

    “You die”
    You mean…
    They die?

    Like the singular of dice? Get it?

    Reply
  • January 15, 2020 at 7:30 am
    Permalink

    Having this randomly pop up in my recommended videos after watching The Mandalorian makes it even funnier "This is the way"

    Reply
  • January 15, 2020 at 1:25 pm
    Permalink

    I have a single d20 that i never use except for running boss battles as a gm, and only under specific conditions.

    Because literally every time i bring it out it kills a pc

    Reply
  • January 15, 2020 at 8:04 pm
    Permalink

    There is a curve, which is why Casino Dice are made the way they are. Approximately 40 years ago I spent hours determining the curve – I could do it again, but thee old curve is good enough. (About 90%) If you want good dice, pay for casino dice and play d6 systems (Traveller and Hero for example.)

    Reply
  • January 17, 2020 at 7:48 pm
    Permalink

    As someone without and unable to aford dice but who also really wants them . . . This hurts my soul.

    Reply
  • January 18, 2020 at 12:57 am
    Permalink

    I rolled 3 1s last week and my character died

    Reply
  • January 19, 2020 at 11:06 am
    Permalink

    After a while, I actually realized the first time i roll a dice, it’s very probable to roll a 1, but the second time… guess what, it’s almost every time a 13 or above. So yeah, that’s why I always play a halfling. 😀

    Reply
  • January 19, 2020 at 1:18 pm
    Permalink

    So true

    Reply
  • January 19, 2020 at 7:14 pm
    Permalink

    It’s hard to see dice get murdered

    Reply
  • January 19, 2020 at 10:41 pm
    Permalink

    The handful of dice though 😂😂😂

    Reply
  • January 21, 2020 at 8:26 am
    Permalink

    What songs were those?

    Reply
  • January 23, 2020 at 8:18 pm
    Permalink

    ain't no planet x coming cuz ain't no space cuz ain't not globe earth

    Reply
  • January 24, 2020 at 1:28 am
    Permalink

    I HAVE FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE WITH THIS.

    Reply
  • January 24, 2020 at 8:55 pm
    Permalink

    Rewatchin this my math nerd wants to correct you so i will
    The probability of rolling two numbers in sequence is not the same as to roll the numberin the first place the probability multiplies so the first one was a 1/20 and two in a row would be 1/20^2 so 1/400 etc.

    Reply
  • January 25, 2020 at 3:27 pm
    Permalink

    Im the representant of the wild magic sorcerers company and we want to buy some of your dices

    Reply
  • January 27, 2020 at 3:19 pm
    Permalink

    Don't destroy them.

    Gift them to your enemies
    😈

    Reply
  • January 28, 2020 at 1:39 am
    Permalink

    Coincidence I had a dice ad

    Reply
  • January 30, 2020 at 4:46 am
    Permalink

    This is the way

    Reply
  • February 1, 2020 at 8:19 pm
    Permalink

    "[…] ascribe agency to the polyhedron." Is one of the best things I've heard in a long time thank you

    Reply
  • February 2, 2020 at 4:39 pm
    Permalink

    1:06
    Little detail, but when he throws the dice in the jail, it rolls a natural 1

    Reply
  • February 5, 2020 at 9:07 pm
    Permalink

    Imaging him being a hafling in the video and rolling dice endlessly becuase he has the ,,lucky,, trait that makes you re-roll natural ones

    Reply
  • February 8, 2020 at 2:27 am
    Permalink

    My brother did this not with dice but with his warhammer 40k marines. If they didmt shoot well or pass a save he would destroy one to teach the others a lesson

    Reply
  • February 9, 2020 at 8:03 am
    Permalink

    If you roll that many ones on that many dice, the problem is with the roller.

    Reply
  • February 10, 2020 at 12:34 am
    Permalink

    in which Kyle predicts The Mandalorian

    Reply
  • February 10, 2020 at 12:49 am
    Permalink

    I have notoriously bad luck with dice, and usually roll very low. However, it just so happens, in the HERO System, aside from damage/effect rolls, you actually WANT to roll low. So, apparently, I've found the right system for my luck, as I constantly roll very well now.

    …Except I almost always end up as the GM in this system, and have to pull punches or my die luck will annihilate the players. Go figure.

    Reply
  • February 10, 2020 at 6:25 am
    Permalink

    Once we rolled three of same thing

    Reply
  • February 10, 2020 at 1:53 pm
    Permalink

    The last death save.

    Reply
  • February 11, 2020 at 1:56 pm
    Permalink

    "When I said "Blame the dice", I did not literally mean to ascribe agency to the polyhedron"
    I love this sentence
    I dont know why it just makes me laugh

    Reply
  • February 12, 2020 at 9:38 pm
    Permalink

    how barbarbaric, how many dice had to die for this video?????

    Reply
  • February 12, 2020 at 11:45 pm
    Permalink

    it's so wierd to think that this could actually happen. it's so improbable, it'd be like winning the lottery a million times in a row, and it would never happen in a billion trillion years, but imagine if it actually did

    Reply
  • February 13, 2020 at 1:59 am
    Permalink

    why do you guys look so sweaty in this video?

    Reply
  • February 13, 2020 at 11:21 am
    Permalink

    Got any dice I could borrow-…. Nevermind

    Reply
  • February 13, 2020 at 9:22 pm
    Permalink

    Oh shit it’s Kevin from Forlorn Foundry! Hey Kevin!

    Reply
  • February 14, 2020 at 7:06 pm
    Permalink

    i NEED an “ascribe agency to the polyhedron” t-shirt

    Reply
  • February 17, 2020 at 4:09 pm
    Permalink

    He said it is the way!!!!

    Reply
  • February 17, 2020 at 8:47 pm
    Permalink

    Sooo… you could make a die that roll 20s all the time?

    Reply
  • February 18, 2020 at 1:37 am
    Permalink

    I have experienced just such dice… I got a coma endusing head wound in a tutorial battle, upon waking I nearly caused a "family died in a fire" backstory from trying to cook. Pretty sure this character needs wrapping in cotten wool and bubble wrap!

    Reply
  • February 21, 2020 at 10:53 am
    Permalink

    Press F to pay respects to our fallen soldier

    Reply
  • February 23, 2020 at 2:53 am
    Permalink

    The Will Wheaton curse

    Reply
  • February 24, 2020 at 6:52 am
    Permalink

    so, how much money was wasted doing this?

    Reply
  • February 25, 2020 at 10:11 pm
    Permalink

    Do you have any idea how painful to watch this was for someone who couldn't afford cool dice? I only have one set, and it was a gift!
    (I nearly pass out when I got them. They'r beautiful) If you are getting bad luck with the dice, its not the actual object: its a sign. Just clense them with incense or salt, and consult a medium about your curse

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *